Poem: Thoughts of a Young Bride

The following poem came into my head one day this summer while I was working as a volunteer for Gabriel Project & Project Rachel (of Arlington, VA).

While its content is, in some measure, self-explanatory, I nonetheless wish to point out that it attempts - in a very small way - to recapture part of a mentality we are not much used to in this day and age; namely, a mentality that accepts the concept of arranged marriage.

While I do not and would not say that we should make an about-face and return to the practice of choosing our children's partners, I do think that it is good for us to examine and remember how our predecessors were, sometimes literally, "given" in marriage.  I think (and take this as you will) that there is an overemphasis in our culture on feelings to the point that we have come to see them as the sole "glue" of the marital vows.  It therefore behooves us, I contend, to recall that the marriages of our forefathers, their arranged nature notwithstanding, were wholly valid. (I speak, of course, of those unions where both parties honestly consented, truthfully said "I do," whether they liked the idea or not - any "marriage" without said consent was not a marriage at all however it may have appeared, and thus is not the subject of my discussion.)

That said, let me offer a few questions for your reflection: first, why were (and are) arranged marriages lawful and valid?  Second, is our modern conception of marriage truly as superior to The Old Ways as we seem to think?  Lastly, what is it that we have gained by dispensing with the duty to marry (where one is not called to do otherwise), and what have we lost because of it?

Thoughts of a Young Bride

By Caitlin Clancy

Silk of my mothers

Runs through my fingers –

Cool, white, and beautiful.

So they all say.

Shall I be married, then,

As Papa wishes?

Shall I be wed upon

Michaelmas day?

Or shall I run away,

Run away far?

Forsaking my mother,

Grieving my father,

Leaving my brothers,

Run away far?

But child-thoughts leave me,

Run away far,

Chastened by duty,

Vanquished by fear,

Words of the prophets

My insolence mar.

Yes, I will meet you,

My lord and my master,

In fear though I greet you

The one I know not.

And I shall have peace then

As you gently lift me –

A dove on the threshold

Of marriage is caught.